Joel Stiff's Adventure

Based on my post from yesterday, someone asked about my take on the seeker sensitive method I discussed. I will do my best to tell what I believe the seeker sensitive model to be and why I believe it is a problem.

From what I understand, the methodology took a rise in the 70’s when Bill Hybels started Willow Creek Community Church. He went door to door inquiring as to what people wanted in a church and took note. Some desired older hymns and preaching. Others preferred a drama or stage play. Some wanted a round table discussion. Others wanted something else altogether. He then created a church where all of these requests were offered.

Personally, I have no problem with promoting to encourage someone to do right. I am not opposed to giving a child a lollipop for coming to Sunday school. I am not against feeding breakfast to adults to encourage them to come to Sunday school. Jesus fed those who came to hear Him teach and preach. God Himself rewards choosing Jesus with Heaven and rewards certain behaviors, choices and acts of service with crowns and rewards.

I do not agree with giving a reward for someone accepting Christ or being baptized. These are personal decisions to follow Christ that must remain untainted by carnal enticement (although I did get saved to avoid going to hell.) I also do not agree with rewarding someone for being the one to lead people to Christ or encourage them to be baptized as I have seen it lead to false professions of faith and baptism.

Where I see the seeker sensitive model go wrong is as follows:

One, they are asking the opinions of unsaved and non Christians how the Christian church should be set up. This is absurd. God alone has the right to describe how the church Jesus Christ died for should be run.

Two, an environment is being created of corporation and customer. If I create a church that appeals to you on the basis of what you want, I must give you exactly what you want and only what you want. What if God commands me as a pastor to preach a passage from His Word that my “customer” doesn’t want to hear? I must now either risk losing my customer or compromise my integrity with the One Who called me to preach. Nowhere in the scripture does God ask man what He wants in a relationship with God and then sets out to give it to him. God does not meet us on our terms, we meet Him on His terms.

Three, a church that is based on customer service is not a church at all. A church is a community of believers just like a city is a community of citizens. It takes everyone working together to labor and serve one another to make a great community. When the church is divided into the servants and the served, you create inequality and resentment. This is not unlike the scenario we are facing in our nation today where one segment of the population is expected to work and provide for another segment that is unwilling to pull their fair share.

The trouble that comes when a pastor such as myself raises these kinds of arguments, is that I am perceived as jealous. The attendance of the church I pastor is around 115 people on average. Those using the seeker sensitive model often become quite large and even “mega”. So, when the peon pastor of the puny church mentions the unscriptural nature of this model, we are relegated to jealousy and envy.

The truth is that size doesn’t equal success with God. Lady Gaga concerts fill arenas, but that doesn’t make her a pastor of a new testament church. If size equals success, then Isaiah, Jeremiah and Hosea were all failures. Incidentally, just because an independent fundamental Baptist church is large doesn’t mean it is successful either. Success with God is tied to faithfulness to God. The “well done” commendation of Matthew 25 is based on being faithful over a few things.

Bill Hybels and Willow Creek looked into the nature of their model and found it to provide numerical growth, but people lacking in spiritual growth and maturity.

I choose to submit to God’s instruction and direction as to what the church should be and how it should be administrated. That’s preferable to the choices of anyone lost or saved, myself included.

As a pastor now for almost twelve years, I have unfortunately seen many families come and go. I once heard a pastor describe building a church like filling a bucket with a hole in the bottom. You have to pour more in the top than runs out the bottom.

People leave for various reasons. Some are understandable. A move to a new city or a price increase in gasoline may necessitate a closer place to worship. Some are extremely carnal like the man who pulled his family because he didn’t get to pitch on the church’s softball team or the lady who left over not getting her cake pan back after a pot luck. Some are more difficult. Maybe there has been a change doctrinally, a personality conflict or even mistreatment.

I have only left one church for a reason other than moving and it was at a time of pastoral change. I could not follow the new pastor that was chosen.

I have been on both sides of the equation, but must admit, I have been left far more than I have left. I want to give a little perspective on the matter from the pastor’s point of view.

A church is unusual in that you cannot approach it from a customer service perspective. Immature Christians look at a church on the basis of how they are being served. Mature Christians instead look at how they may be of service. The contemporary model of church building is harming our churches in that it is using the seeker sensitive model. We are attempting to become a business that attracts on the basis of customer service. We may attract some, but they will be the kind that we will have to continually please in order to keep them. I do not mean that things should not be done decently and in order or that we should not do our best to serve one another as fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I do mean that you can’t offer a prize in the box of cereal to get folks to come.

So what can you expect when you leave a church?

Expect to be discussed but not criticized. It is naive to think that people will not discuss your absence. People will wonder where you have been, where you are now and why you are no longer around. Information will be shared. Criticism should not take place regarding the party leaving. A good pastor will lead the people in this direction.

Expect to be replaced. There is pride in the heart of man that leads him to believe an institution rises or falls upon his shoulders. Churches are works of God. His work can and will continue without the aid of any one human being. I have been told by people leaving our church that it would fall apart upon their departure. It didn’t. The classes they used to teach are now being taught by others. The areas in which they served are now being served by others. The money they used to give is now being provided by others. If I resign as pastor of LBC today, God will provide a pastor and keep the church moving forward.

Expect awkwardness when you cross paths in public. Some people are able to overlook differences and be friendly and kind. Others will struggle with bad feelings. Some will simply not know how to respond when they see you again. The more time that passes, the easier things will be, but at first, it will be awkward.

Do not expect that the pastor wants to hear everything you dislike about him and the church. He doesn’t. I cannot count the times someone has wanted to “take me to lunch” only to get there and find out it really means he wanted to eat my lunch. Ironically, they never ask the pastor if he has any problem with them, their faithfulness or their service. Lunch ends abruptly once they inform the pastor of his many shortcomings.

Do not expect to be pursued. Those who have been in the ministry know the struggle of trying to decide whether or not to pursue one who is leaving or has left the church. If the individual is failing in faithfulness or personally backsliding, reaching out can make a very big difference in salvaging them. If they are leaving because of dissatisfaction, displeasure or being disgruntled, pursuing them rarely matters. Only once have I been able to clear up a matter with a lady and see her continue with us. It was a misunderstanding that we were able to rectify. Every other time, I have failed to change someone’s mind and watched them leave anyway. This wouldn’t seem like such a problem except for two things: the pastor gets to hear everything they don’t like about him and the church and he begins to second guess the areas in which they were unhappy. Now he asks himself, “I wonder if I could keep them if I changed that?” He soon turns into the proverbial girlfriend/boyfriend who says, “don’t leave! I can change!” The truth is that he has to be true to who God made him to be and to how God leads him to lead His church. When a pastor chooses not to pursue departing members, it also gives them one more round of ammunition with which to criticize. “He didn’t even come to see us after we left.”

Leaving a church is never an easy thing whether it is on good terms or bad. If you are on the departing side, just be aware that many other people are also being affected by your decision. While you were with us we sincerely did our best to love you, serve you and help you grow in Jesus. We were not perfect, made mistakes and probably failed you often. We did do our best, however.

That’s an MLK quote.

It’s true and accurate.

I say this to my kids. They have caught on. When they want something and ask for it, sometimes I say, “let’s wait on that.” What I really mean is, “no.”

What are you waiting to do?

How long have you been waiting?

Have you realized yet, that you are never going to do it?

You’re not waiting, you’re making yourself feel better by lying to yourself. It’s never going to happen.

Either do it now or move on to something you are actually going to do.

I stopped into a grocery store this morning before church. I took it all in as I walked to get my items. Refrigerated cold chocolate milk and a box of delicious entenmann’s doughnuts. I saw the books and magazines full of information and entertainment. I saw soda pop in any flavor imaginable. I saw every type of salty and sweet snack my palate could crave. There were fresh meats awaiting preparation. All sorts of things needed to make my life easy like, toilet paper, light bulbs, ziplock baggies and sources of fire.

I heard a story about a well to do Russian lady who was taken by American friends to a farmer’s market in Atlanta. As she walked inside, tears flooded her eyes and ran down her face. When asked what was wrong, she answered, “Never in my life have I ever seen so much goodness in one place.”

We have it very good.

The Amish have a saying, “good fences make good neighbors.”

In order for people to get along well, a certain degree of boundaries is necessary.

There are two ways that the boundaries are supposed to work. One is that they must exist. You truly do teach people how to treat you. You are either teaching them to respect you or you are teaching them that they do not have to respect you. So, the first thing you must do is have them. It is acceptable and even necessary to have boundaries to keep other people out of certain areas of your life.

The second way they work is that you must respect the boundaries of others. They are there for a reason. When you ignore a boundary, you are disrespecting the person with the boundary. You are telling them that their desires are not important to you. You are telling them that you do not respect them.

Establish your own boundaries and respect the boundaries of others.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

Just a great big thank you for all of the birthday well wishes yesterday.

So many folks were expressive in their love and friendship towards me. I feel like a wealthy man.

I spent the day with my wonderful wife, adorable daughter and delightful son. We had pizza, hit the book store, got an ice cream and watched a movie together over cake. Not too busy. Not too boring. Just about right.

I used to have to run 100 miles an hour to have a good time.

Now I realize, a comfortable pace with people you love beats it all.

You don’t want to read this one. It’s really a lot of rambling.

Today, as of 7:42 PM, I will have been on planet earth for forty-three years.

Something not quite right about that. My parents are this old, but I am not. Many of my older relatives have reached their forties, but not me. In my head, I am still working on a seventeen year old level.

If it were all over today, I would be totally satisfied. I have been able to be a part of so much. I have witnessed God do some truly miraculous things. I have endured some hard times and difficulties alongside of the people I love. I have enjoyed some equally high moments with them too. I have had lots and lots of fun and I didn’t need intoxicating substances to do it. I know I laugh more every day than the happiest drunk or pothead.

God has put so many incredible people in my life. I couldn’t have asked for a better set of parents. They are two unusual and exceptional people. If I have a shred of character, I have to attribute it to them. I am very close to my Aunt Donna and Uncle Gary. Most people do not enjoy such a friendship with their uncles and aunts, but these two have been there for me in a very consistent way. My grandmother is my friend. I know that sounds weird, but she has always been there when I needed her just like a friend would be. God only saw fit to give me one brother and I’m grateful for that because it has given us a relationship that wouldn’t be near as close if there were others around. He has my back every time. Every time. Shannon could have really done better, but she chose me out of all the men in the world. She has stuck by me when many were writing me off. She saw something in me even when so many others were warning her to get away from me. She has balanced me in a way that I needed desperately. She loves me. Nicole is such an incredible young lady. She is going to change the world someday. She doesn’t like to make it obvious, but she adores her dad and he needs that. Winston is as close to me as a son can get. He knows all of my imperfections and loves me in spite of them. He’s going to change the world too.

I have so many friends from the days in Georgia. So many people who served God along side of me. So many parents who trusted their teenagers to me. So many of those kids who are amazing, godly adults today. I miss my friends down there and have a terrible inability to keep up with them. I read your facebook updates, pray for you and remember our times together often. You had such a big part in preparing me for the ministry God has for us now. I await Heaven so that we can see one another more often.

I cannot thank my Lighthouse family enough. I want to start naming names, but then I would just list them all. I am amazed you keep showing up. After all the bad sermons. After all the bad ideas. After all the times I fell short of being what you need in a pastor. You keep showing up. Thank you for that. Thank you for loving me and my family. Thank you for taking such good care of us. Thank you for loving and serving Jesus. Please don’t stop.

Mostly, I want to thank the Lord. How can I not give my life to Him for all He has done for me? I have a life I couldn’t have dreamed of. I have been blessed beyond measure.

I don’t think anyone saw that coming.

I know I didn’t.

I heard of a preacher who was told of a family that was criticizing him heavily.

He responded, “Huh, that’s funny. I’ve never done anything for them.”

Unfortunately, criticism often comes from those we have helped the most.

We saw a commercial for McDonalds showing different supportive and encouraging statements on the signs at different restaurant locations. Shannon informed me that they have been criticized for using tragedy to market their business.

Have we lost our collective minds to the point we are criticizing corporations for spreading positive messages?

Reuben’s father Jacob said that he wouldn’t excel because he was unstable as water.

The book of James tells us that double mindedness results in instability.

Nothing creates instability more than following your emotions. In fact, we hear so often, “follow your heart.” The trouble is that my heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked.

The surest and quickest path to ruin is following your emotions.

Emotional people quit their jobs on a whim and have no backup plan. Emotional people file for divorce without thinking things through. Emotional people sever friendships over petty squabbles. Emotional people react in violence and spend the night in lock up.

Stability is found by deciding ahead of time what course of action to take and then following it regardless of how you feel at the moment.

It’s not that we do not have emotions. It is that we do not allow them to make our decisions. I never wake up on Sunday morning and ask myself if I am going to church. My emotions do not get to make that decision for me. I never wake up and ask myself if I am going to work that day. My emotions don’t get to make that decision for me.

I make decisions based on right, wrong, principle and faith. Then no matter how I am feeling at a given moment, I am assured I will not do something stupid.

And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up: and, as his custom was, he went into the synagogue on the sabbath day, and stood up for to read.  Luke 4:16

Ok, so it was technically the synagogue, but it was still a church since the word church comes from the Greek word ekklesia meaning called out assembly.

Jesus, regularly, faithfully, weekly attended synagogue.

The term Christian means little Jesus. It was originally intended to be a slur, but to call a disciple of Jesus “little Jesus” is actually an honor for them and so the term had the opposite of its intended effect.

If I call myself a follower of Jesus, I would then choose to do what He taught and follow His example. If that example is attending church on a weekly basis, that is what I am to do.

Jesus not only attended church, but He is the cornerstone of the church.

Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God; And are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone Ephesians 2:19, 20

If the Savior I serve is the chief corner stone of an institution, you better believe I am going to be a part of that institution.

Jesus is not only the chief corner stone of the church, but when He died, He died for the church.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:25

If the church was something that Jesus Christ gave His life for, it is certainly something that should be a part of my life.

There is a movement away from the local church. Some feel that home Bible studies are the way to go. Others claim that they worship God on their own time in their own way. Some are frustrated because of the corruption that has been seen in some churches. They are usually not dissuaded from participating in educational institutions, workplace environments or even the stock market however. Even among church going people, we are going less. It is reported that fewer than 5% of churches still have a Sunday evening service.

It comes down to what it has always come down to. Man simply does not like an authority over his life even if that authority is God. It is God’s authority that tells us to be faithful to church after all. Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. Hebrews 10:25

The people in my church are some of the most loving, sacrificially generous people I have ever known. They love God and they love others and it is seen clearly in the lives they lead. Every week, we show up and love each other, encourage each other, support each other and help each other. We sing together, pray together and are reminded of what the Bible says together. I would not trade the Christian life I have through my local church for anything in the world. It has brought me this far in my walk with God and I won’t take a step without it.

You can be a Christian and not go to church. You just won’t be what you could be if you did.