Lowered expectations

Every generation complains that the generation following is worthless and will ultimately be the ruin of the nation.

I don’t believe this for one minute.  If I did, then I must admit myself as a failure in not doing my job as a parent and pastor.

I do see a troubling trend, however, that rests solely on the shoulders of parents.

The greatest struggle the next generation will have is of self sufficiency.

The helicopter parenting method will hold many young people back from their God given potential.  God said in Genesis that children were to leave their father and mother and cleave unto a spouse.  These things are being done at later ages in life than ever.  This means that adults that should be shouldering adult responsibilities are not doing so and thus remaining children.

We have heard the stories of young men and women with bachelor’s degrees and even master’s returning home to live with mom and dad.  These people are not paying rent, not working in their field of study and even relying on parents to pay student loan payments.  That is not adulthood.

Even worse, some parents are showing up with junior at job interviews.  I wonder if mom is wiping off the breakfast syrup from junior’s cheek with her spit before he goes in to get his big boy job.

Whose fault is this?  Mom and dad are to blame.  Due to the idolatry of children that is parenting in 2015, we are failing to let go.  We don’t want to see our precious junior out in the world where he might suffer a few hard knocks.

Instead of allowing their child to fail a class due to lack of study, they are at the school begging the teacher to give him a make up exam.  Parents of teens will not let their kids stay home alone at an age when some young men were already married, working a trade and having children.  Responsibilities like schoolwork, money management, jobs and driving are put off, not because Junior couldn’t handle them, but because mom and dad either don’t think they are capable or just can’t bear to let go.

I shudder to think of the response these parents would have to the knowledge of the mother eagle who trades her soft, downy nest for one full of thorns and pickers lest it be so comfortable the baby eaglet doesn’t want to leave.  And just in case that baby doesn’t get the hint, it is shoved out by mama eagle.  It’s either fly or splat at that point.

If you want to raise a child to adulthood by the time they should be leaving home, do two things:

1. Do not do for the child what he or she can do for himself or herself.

My son is 15.  I do not clean his room for him.  He can clean it himself or live in a pig sty.  We do not make sure he uses deodorant.  If he wants to stink, he can suffer the social consequences of such decisions.

My daughter is 16.  I do not pick up after her.  She can pick up after herself.  We do not remind her of her appointments and obligations.  She has all manner of technology to help her stay on top of her obligations.

Their mother and I do not do their schoolwork for them.  We do not brush their hair.  We do not wipe their bottoms.

We expect them to do for themselves what they are capable of doing.  We do help them with things that they are not yet capable of doing.

2. Give them responsibility as they need it.

Weight lifters build muscle by adding a little more weight than they can comfortably handle.  Children are made into adults by giving them a little more responsibility than they currently have.  You don’t wait until they can handle it to give it to them.  You give it to them and expect them to handle it.

Unless you’re the kind of parent with lowered expectations of the ability of your child.

If so, I hope you don’t mind a 40 year old man living in your basement hoping he gets the house when you die.