Joel Stiff's Adventure

 

I really like this story. I don’t remember where I heard it.

A man looking to get away from the hectic life of the big city heads out to a small town to consider it for relocation.

He stops at the service station in town and asks the man tending the pump what type of people live in the town.

The attendant asked, “What are people like where you’re from?”

The man answered, “Pretty nasty. They are annoying, negative and constantly in my way.”

The attendant replied, “You’ll probably find people in this town much the same.”

Disappointed the man drove off.

A week later another man pulled into the same service station for the same reason and asked the same attendant the same question.

The attendant asked him also, “Well what are people like where you’re from?”

The man answered, “They are actually really sweet and kind. They are helpful and considerate of each other. I actually hate to have to leave.”

The attendant responded, “You’ll probably find the people here pretty much the same.”

Sometimes if you smell something funky, it’s you that needs a bath.

 

I was able to work with my dad a little this morning. 

We ran into each other at home depot by chance. We were both headed to the church to get some things done. We put in a few hours together.

When I was in junior high and high school, I walked about a half mile to the bus stop. As I walked, I would daydream about a time when I wouldn’t have to go to school anymore and I could just spend days working with my dad. It was nice to be able to do that today.

It wasn’t that I disliked school, but more that I was bored with it. It was too easy and I had to take classes that I didn’t necessarily have any interest in. Those are areas I still have no interest in today. It was a waste of my time. Much of the school day is nothing more than a waste of time.

Because of this, we will see some changes in education. We have already seen some. I remember when you had to attend the school district in which you lived. I actually attended a high school out of my district. It was an experiment. You had to have a certain grade point average in order to qualify and then maintain it to stay. The classes were supposed to be a bit advanced so as to challenge us. 

From what I understand, kids are now able to attend schools outside of their district if they choose and are accepted. The schools they are choosing either offer a safer environment, better academics or the programs they desire. The schools they are avoiding will die and they should.

With the internet, schools around the world will soon be made available. The days of brick and mortar schools are coming to an end. I’m sure they will always exist to some degree, but they will not be the automatic go to that they have been. 

My children homeschool. They do so because we want them to be prepared for their lives. If I asked you to list the five qualities you possess that have helped you most in your life, I bet that none of them were learned in a classroom. We teach them the basics: math and English foremost, history, geography, science and Bible. They then can choose what else they would like to learn. Nicole is working on piano, writing and job preparedness. Winston is working on keyboarding, Spanish and guitar. We also give them reading that we want them to accomplish. It’s quite fabulous. Our schedules are our own to construct and allow for great learning opportunities in the real world.

Everything about the current educational model has a herd mentality. Cramming fifteen or twenty students that all possess very different personalities and learning capabilities into the same classroom is ridiculous. It made sense when they were just going from the classroom to the farm or the factory. This is no longer the reality of our economy. 

According to Forbes magazine, sixty percent of college students cannot find work in their field. I believe the word the kids are using these days is fail. It’s not the kids that are failing, it’s the system that is supposed to be helping them succeed. Systems are run by people and unless those people who devise the systems don’t want their kids in their basement for twenty years after college, they better educate them instead of just sending them to “school”.

I’m sure this will be popular.

 

 

If I never see one of these nasty easter candy eggs again, I will be a happy man.

If you’re a child of the 70’s or 80’s you probably remember these. A slightly hardened nasty candy shell encasing even nastier faux marshmallow inside. Have I mentioned how nasty they are yet? Honestly, a person could only eat one of these without your blood sugar spiking to dangerous levels. 

Once as a contest on our church bus, we had a competition to see who could eat the most of these within a three minute time period. The winner, who quit long before three minutes passed, ate only six eggs. He vowed to never eat one again. Bummer, ’cause the prize was a pound of them.

That’s the problem with excess. Too much of anything doesn’t work. That doesn’t stop us, mind you. We still overindulge given the opportunity, but we always pay for it.

We have been blessed to see the twenty-four inches of snow melt off in the past week. Today it is raining steadily. There is a lot of water on the ground, too much water. We are hoping to see it dry up by the first snowfall in November. Too much of anything doesn’t work.

Except pizza.

 

Tonight Winston asked me why profanity was wrong.

I hope I helped him. I explained that in one sense all words are made up from sounds. Sounds that when put together form ideas. There technically isn’t anything wrong with sounds.

But, language is used to communicate ideas and the words we choose are the way we are attempting to communicate. We either communicate on the basest level possible or we seek to communicate on a higher, more respectable level. Culture determines this.

An aside that I threw in that may be perceived as bigoted was this, those with the most detestable language more often than not have the most detestable behavior.

The goal is to use the best language possible to communicate the best message possible in the most helpful and encouraging way. Profanity doesn’t fit that objective.

Here’s a bonus thought. The word “gospel” means good news.

 

If there’s one thing I’m learning in my old age, it’s that I talk too much.

I have inadvertently memorized many of the Proverbs about this:

In a multitude of words there wanteth not sin.

The fool uttereth all his mind, but a wise man keepeth it in ’til afterward.

A fool is known by a multitude of words.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

We covered James chapter three in church Sunday morning. The bulk of it is about the tongue and how impossible it is to tame it. It is likened to fire. On one hand, fire can be extremely helpful and useful, but uncontrolled it causes great destruction.

Ben Franklin was known for being highly critical of nearly everyone. He was not bashful about speaking his mind to anyone and everyone, behind their back or to their face. After tiring of it catching up with him, he made a resolution, “I will speak ill of no man.”

Later, he made a list of virtues that he would attempt to live by. One of them was, I will only speak when it is beneficial to myself or others.

I find that when I slow down and think before I speak, I do well.

Now, don’t try to hold me to this or I’ll give you a piece of my mind.

That was a joke. Talk to you later.

 

This morning on my prayer drive, a squirrel darted out in the road in front of me. Most of the time these guys begin this indecisive darting back and forth in front of the car. They are torn between going back from where they came and committing to crossing the street. Usually, they get away at the last second and survive. Other times, not so much. 

This one today was different. Instead of darting back and forth he decided he would outrun the car. As he jumped in front of me, upon realizing I was coming up on him, he made a ninety degree right turn and was running down the lane in front of me. It was pretty fun and he was quite fast. I was tempted to engage him in the race but figured a few hundred horsepower wasn’t fair against one squirrel power.

The squirrels suffer from two problems that I see in people. 

The first is noticed in the squirrels that dart back and forth. Indecisiveness causes death in squirrels and humans. The inability to make a decision under pressure will get you run over. The squirrel feels the pressure of the car bearing down on them and begin to doubt their choice. The best course of action is to pick up the pace and carry on. Turning around wastes precious time. Waffling gets you flattened.

Today’s squirrel made the worst decision of all. Trying to outrun the steamroller. Many times we do this very thing. We panic when we find ourselves in trouble and make a stupid decision. One that costs us everything. 

How do we avoid getting run down? Plan your evasion before the emergency comes. Know what you’re going to do before you are looking at headlights.

 

When I was an assistant pastor in Georgia, a wise older man told me that I had taught him something about the Christian life. I was immediately flattered and asked what it could be. He refused to tell me then, but promised when the time was right, he would let me know. I surmised what it could possibly be. Maybe he had heard a sermon I preached. Maybe we had discussed some deep theological truth. Maybe he had seen me lead someone to Jesus. After my resignation and plan to move to Flint had come about, he told me what I had taught him. He said that I taught him that it was ok for a Christian to laugh and have fun. I wasn’t impressed. At the time, I thought the lesson was far less than helpful. Now, as I watch the faces of people I preach to and those whose paths I cross on a daily basis, I realize that we all laugh and have fun far less than we should.
We quote the Proverb about a merry heart doing good like a medicine as though it were only applicable if we are sick. How about the fact that a merry heart does good period. Joy, mirth and laughter do us good. Before you start reminding me of the countless times that Ecclesiastes talks about sorrow being better than laughter, may I remind you that the book of Ecclesiastes is about a life lived under the sun apart from God. If you’re Gods child and you live in a funk, you’re doing it wrong.
Maybe Jesus will teach you that it’s ok to laugh and smile when you get to Heaven. In the meantime, lighten up and learn a few jokes. We will all be laughing at you either way. 😄

 

I went to Kmart today. I was buying pillows.

A friend of mine says that stepping into Kmart is like walking through the doors of a time machine into the 70’s. The doors are the same. The floor tile is the same. They still have those massive, round, air vents on the ceiling. 

Kmart, as a business, is dying. I don’t think this is a secret. Sears picked them up a few years ago if memory serves me right. The store had very few customers. That is why I go there. It’s never busy.

As a result, they are trying hard to get business – too hard.

As I stood in line, I listened to the cashier run through a number of promotions with the lady currently being served. There is a rewards card that ties in to a number of businesses including Kmart and Sears. She even mentioned how they will randomly throw cash rewards on the card without notice. They signed her up for this card, offered a discover card, asked for her email and phone number. They even tried to get her to add their app to her smartphone.

I was exhausted and dreading my turn at the register. I considered smothering myself to death with the pillows.

When my time came, I cut her off at the pass and said I just want to pay for my pillows and be on my way. Don’t worry, I was kind. I was given four different receipts about twenty-four inches long in total. All for four pillows.

The prolonged interaction at the register, being inundated with countless questions and the probing for personal info is enough to make me want to stay away forever.

In their effort to draw and keep customers, it just makes me never want to go back.

They are trying too hard.

Remember the duo pictured above? The little dog was so desperate for the big dogs acceptance and approval that the big dog often backhanded him while snarling, “Shaddap!”

That’s how I feel. Kmart, shaddap. If you want me to come back to your store, give me some space.

 

 

 

 

I was listening to a radio show and a psychic came on the air. People called in and asked her to tell the future of an area of their lives. For instance, a man called in and asked what was going to become of his health in the next year. She asked the date of birth on all callers. This man was born in 1961 putting him roughly fifty-three years old. She immediately brought up his blood pressure. He replied with great astonishment that this was an area he was struggling with.

In the words of the great Gomer Pyle, “Surprise, surprise, surprise!”

We live in America where the number one killer of men is heart disease and you speculate that a fifty-three year old man is dealing with blood pressure issues. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, or a psychic for that matter, to figure that one out.

Why do we turn to psychics? Why do we play the lottery?

We do it for hope. We want to know there is hope for our future.

The sad thing is that there is no hope in either fortune telling or playing the lottery.

There is hope, however, in designing a plan for your life and then putting that plan into action.

In fact, that will actually pay off with a reward in the end.

Sorry, I’ve got to cut this short. I’m having lunch with Miss Cleo.

 

Having lived in Michigan the majority of my life, I am quite used to the annual March snowstorm. After three months of snow and cold, March begins to bring warmer temps and snow melt. We get pretty excited. Forty degrees means light jackets and a return to outdoor life.

Then it happens. The forecast shows several inches to be dumped on us overnight. Happens every year. 

The weather is like many of the other circumstances in our lives. It is out of our control.

When something is out of our control, the temptation is to complain about it. To wail and bemoan our state. It never does any good.

To come to a state of acceptance of circumstances we cannot change brings a peace that fighting against them cannot.