Geographically, our house was separated from the main elementary school by a busy four lane road called Davison. In an effort to keep younger kids from having to cross that busy road alone, the school system built small, one room, school houses that we called units. Just around the corner from our house were three such units. One was for the kindergarten class, one housed the first graders and the third was shared by second and third graders. When we moved to Ivanhoe, I was heading into the first grade.
I convinced my mom to let me walk to school alone since it was less than fifty yards. After all, no cool first grader would ever be walked to school by his mother. I’m sure now that she watched through the windows on the end of the house, but I didn’t know that at the time.
My first grade class was taught by Mrs. Madrie. She was a short, sweet lady that taught us the alphabet using posters of personified letters. The consonants were male characters and the vowels were ladies. The only one I seem to recall is Mr. H who was hairy.
She used to sell old fashioned candy sticks at the beginning of class for ten cents a piece. I remember watching with a jealous eye as kids would line up to buy them. It wasn’t that my parents wouldn’t give me the money for them, but I never seemed to remember once I got home. One morning I remembered and I snuck into my parents room to get some money. They kept a large plastic jar full of pennies and I stole one hundred of them and jammed them into my pocket. When Mrs. Madrie called us up to make our purchase I got in line with a big smile on my face. When it was my turn, she asked me how many and what kind I wanted. I told her I wanted ten as I emptied those hundred pennies out onto her desk. I don’t know if she didn’t trust me or just didn’t want me hopped up on all that sugar, but she asked me if my mother knew that I had all that money and wanted to buy ten candy sticks. I responded that she did. She asked me if she could call my home and make sure. I called her bluff and said, go ahead. To my dismay, she punched the buttons on the phone and got my mother. After a very brief conversation, I was told that she would hold onto the coins until the end of the day after which I could take them back home where they belong. A lying thief I was.
During this first grade year, I noticed that one or two kids would leave school once lunchtime came. I inquired as to their absence and was told that they went home for lunch. What!?! I had no idea this was an option. For the remainder of my time at the untis I went home for a peanut butter sandwich and some doritos with Richard Dawson entertaining me on the Family Feud. It was awesome.
One winter morning I was the first kid at school and I found myself laying on the ice with my cheek making contact. All was well until I tried to get up and found that my face had frozen to the ice. I ripped it off like a band aid .
It was also at the units that some knucklehead had me lifted up on the teeter totter and then got off quickly, knocking the wind out of me for the first time.
The next year found me in second grade in a new building with Mrs. Powell. The room had two chalkboards. On one she would write down the second grade work. On the other, she would write down the third grade work. If you remember, my mom had been working me at home well before school came and I took to the work pretty easily. I would often finish the second grade work early and had paid attention when Mrs. Powell went over the lessons with the third graders. I found myself turning in the work from both boards every day.
At the end of the school year, Mrs. Powell asked to see my mother. I couldn’t imagine what I had done wrong. I hadn’t stolen any pennies since the great candy stick heist of 1978. She explained to my mom that I had completed both year’s schooling in one. She was recommending that I be promoted from second to fourth grades. My parents agreed with her and before you know it, I was on my way to Big Potter.
Joel Stiff's Adventure 